The single most common question I get from people when it is discovered that I coach youth sports is, "How do deal with the parents?" It's a question that seems so common that it almost assumes there must be an inherent disconnect between coaches and parents. Why? Parents and coaches are on the same side, with the same mission, and the same goals. So what is behind the perception that a coach has to be at odds with the parents of the kids they coach? And more important, what does that mean for youth sports?

There is no shortage of news stories about angry parents attacking coaches, or hard-headed coaches pushing kids to the brink of physical or mental collapse. But is this really the norm? There are millions of individuals who coach youth sports from the very elementary recreation level to the elite AAU programs. Most of those coaches have great relationships with the kids they coach, and by association, the parents of those kids are generally happy. Yet, we hear about the few cases each year where, to put it lightly,  a coach and a parent were at odds with each other.

You can chalk it up to the normal hysterical media coverage across all areas considered newsworthy to the public. If you can sort through the headlines and still see the lush forest despite the blinding trees in front of you, good for you. But those new to the youth sports arena would find it difficult to keep an open mind when they come across a coach that makes their little Sally run a penalty lap around the field for the first time. The result, all too often, is a stern "talking to" from parent to said coach. Even if that doesn't happen, the sideline whispering begins. Events become exaggerated. Rumors spread. And before you know it, there is an article in the paper (or worse, in a blog!) depicting a coach as some clipboard wielding version of Vlad the Impaler. 

Here is a reality check. Coaches are coaches because they want to be coaches. Maybe some take the job begrudgingly, but no one is a coach that didn't decide to be a coach. Maybe their son or daughter had an interest in the sport and that prompted them to get involved. Any parent knows that whenever you sign up your son or daughter for a recreation league, part of the application process asks the parent to be a coach! Most decline the offer, but some decide to accept in an effort to help their child along. So let's not forget the source of the coaching expertise we so easily color EE-vil. Coaches ARE parents. Parents ARE coaches. And not just on the court or field. Parents are coaches at home, too. Our kids see and hear what we say about their coaches. Those feelings are often brought back to the team either at practices or games.

After having taught middle school and high school for 6 years now, I have more and more admiration for the elementary school teachers that prepare students for the upper grades. Without the foundation of skills they teach, the middle and high school kids do not stand a chance. Kids that are not able to read and add are more likely to drop out of school altogether. So it is with youth sports as well. Those early coaches are laying the foundation for progression to the upper levels of sport. Every high school and college coach should go thank the youth coach of their latest star player. We need more of those excellent youth coaches. And we need more parents willing to call coaches to the carpet and make the best possible experience for their kids. Each needs the other, and each has the same goal. So let's remember our place coaches, and parents - our kids are watching.